31 January 2018 - 1 February 2018
In spite of the confusion of the political world around the apparently quite corrupt Trump administration and its congressional supporters revealed in just the last couple of days, I've tried to spend some time reflecting recently.
You see, six months ago to the day, I was attacked. Not verbally by social media or email (that happens to many of us who communicate about science), bult by robbers at a pharmacy I frequent. These three young men took it upon themselves to steal narcotics from the staff present, and as they got rough, I, the next customer in line, intervened by calling out a robbery alarm to the rest of the (grocery) store. Then they came at me. I guess. I recall vividly the first blow to my temple, which resulted in me hitting the ground hard, head-first. I seem to recall a second attack as I got up ("You fool, stay down!" is what I wish my conscience had told me, rather than "Do something! People are getting hurt!"). Which again resulted in my head hitting the floor, hard. Another customer says I got up and was body-slammed a third time. No recollection of that one.
The police have not been able to identify the perpetrators. The press covered it barely (there is a string of pharmacy robberies going back a few years with often good police and press cooperation resulting in some helpful identification and prosecution, see) †. But this robbery was not reported as a strong-arm robbery, no. It was reported as a "nobody was hurt attempt" to acquire drugs without prescriptions. Not for personal use. I've been told by some that it is to manufacture something called purple drank. And the store will not show me the video of the attack, captured by its brand-new surveillance system, as they are apparently afraid of some liability; every request I made goes to some insurance person in Little Rock or Arizona or someplace. They were nice enough to give me a $25 attaboy gift card to the store and recommend a small sum in appreciation (but the latter only after I agreed not to sue for damages), and some chocolate milk to wash away the effects of pepper spray in my throat. Yeah, they had pepper spray, too, and used it extensively on at least two people (one of the pharmacy employees and me). Again, not reported by our local paper, which gave scant coverage to the other pharmacy robbery across town the same night. I wonder if they were related events?
So where am I now? I received a #concussion, some would call it a traumatic brain injury or #TBI, but even that is in doubt. I've been in intense pain, experienced severe auditory disturbances which trigger other symptoms, confusion, irritation (I'm usually a pretty happy guy, ask anyone), and in general frustrated. I could not spend the holidays in celebration with family (particularly the grandkids), because the sudden noise and/or multiple conversations were too intense for my feeble recovering brain to sort out. I got panic attacks for the first time in my 62 year old life. I even went to the ER for one of them, thinking I was having a heart attack. And through all this, my family and my care team has stayed steadfast in their determination to help me. And they are. What is most troubling is the fact that this has surfaced, or resurfaced, my #depression and #anxiety.
My place of employment has been wonderful through this, providing me with access to not only urgent immediate care but also space and time to heal, with a reduced workload. However, with no short-term disability coverage, I was forced to use scores of hours of sick leave and vacation time to cover lost wages. This gets me wondering about society as a whole, and the large number of people who work for minimum wage (or less) and get sick or have a loved one getting sick. How do they cope? That is an issue for all of us to consider on another today.
I have had the fortune of having a loving wife for 42+ years now, and we've had 11 children (including adoptions) and 3 foster kids. Our kids are having kids and I now have 12 grandchildren. We have a gigantic multicultural family, and I'm so lucky. But my depression and anxiety roots back to several tragic events going back into my early years, including the loss of one of my children to HIV/AIDS-related lymphoma, and the loss of one of our foster kids just as we were on the cusp of adoption proceedings. Each time I was gripped with sorry, anger, self-hate, etc. That has now resurfaced in different ways as I continue to recover from my injury and my latent issues.
Counseling has helped me a great deal. Also helpful has been the public sharing of experiences on social media (#Twitter, primarily; I seem to not be very tolerant of what I see on my #Facebook feed these days). I was awakened also by the metoo hashtag which I won't use here to make any claims as it minimizes the far worse situations women have faced compared to me. As a career meteorologist and climatologist faculty member, I'm drawn to posts by @wx_becks @SnowHydro @weatherdak and others, and the experiences of the many who have faced bullying, exploitation, harassment, molestation, rape, and discrimination even in higher education, where theoretically, everyone involved is supposed to be somewhat intelligent. Gee I wonder if intelligence and compassion are correlated? You are all so brave and your voice empowers many. You should know that.
As I am now a dean, I'm responsible for my division and its over 80 employees and over 2,000 students who take science classes at my college each quarter. That is a heavy burden. My colleagues and others at the college have been great and supportive, and I'm on my way back to gainful full-time employment. I can feel it. I will not let #depression and #anxiety win. The campaign on 31 January on social media related to #mentalhealth was very cleansing and freeing for me (I actually saw it first on William Shatner's twitter posts. So I'm ready to start sharing more. I had left my blog alone for months because of a combination of shame, worry, perhaps even fear of the future. I'm ready to embrace the future, and thanks everyone who has shaped this recovery to #positivism. Even if our political arena does not seem to embrace compassion and caring in these times, there are still heroes out there. You know who you are. And I thank you!
PS - I was in a rush to complete this before tomorrow, for it is Groundhog Day tomorrow, and that is important to any meteorologist, of course! I imagine the President will see his shadow, too, for winter is nigh.
PPS (in the interest of full disclosure) - Some Nunes edits were made to correct grammatical errors and syntax here on 2/2/18.
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